"Many people are scared of being assertive because they believe it will drive people away, feel unpleasant, or be confrontational. But it won’t!
The reality is that many people don’t speak up until they absolutely have to, and then they speak up from a place of fear, anxiety, frustration, and resentment. And that is not a heart-centered approach and will not empower you or enhance your relationships.
There is a secret sauce to speaking up with assertive communication in a heart-driven way. These 10 principles give you a purpose and intention for your assertive conversation.
What is heart-centered assertive communication?
Heart-centered communication means purposeful, helpful, and sustainable communication that aligns with your values, desires, and beliefs. It is not woo-woo, it is practical communication that creates value for the people involved.
And assertiveness is the skill of expressing your needs, thoughts, desires, wishes, dreams, rights, feelings, and boundaries in a respectful and calm way.
Therefore heart-centered assertive communication is assertive communication that is designed to maximize value for both you and the people you’re communicating with. That is why heart-centered assertive communication brings people together and builds the relationship. It also creates a greater bond and puts people at ease.
Use heart-centered assertive communication when you care deeply about the other person you are interacting with and want to emphasize the importance of the relationship to you without holding back from what you have to say.
Here are the 10 secret principles to keep in mind as you speak your mind assertively in a heart-centered way.
Courage
Have the courage to say what is needed to be said and speak from your heart. Develop the courage to confront instead of to avoid the hard conversation. Find the courage to be kind even if it hurts and to speak the truth even if it is not pleasant. For example, courage to deliver constructive feedback.
Candidness
When you’re an actress or actor, even if a nice one, you are fake and you can’t sustain acting for long without getting resentful.
Stay honest with an authentic voice, true concerns, and open communication. Be direct so that people don’t have to second guess what you are trying to communicate. Honor people by giving them the truth of the matter instead of sugarcoating what needs to be said.
Curiosity
Avoid making assumptions about the other person’s intentions towards you, reasons for behaving in a certain way, or understanding of your needs. This avoids blame and judgement which is not kind.
Instead of second-guessing people, be positively curious about other people’s motives, needs, and understanding of you.
Centeredness
Avoid submerging in your own head and overthinking things. Move from the head to the heart. The best way to do that is to stay centered by being mindful and present in the moment you are in, be it a conversation, interaction, listening, or speaking. Pay attention to the person you are speaking to and how they respond because it will inform you on how you refine your messaging.
Calm
Anxiety and nervousness stem from fear and hurt the quality of the communication. Nervousness is internally facing and prevents you from being present in the moment with the other person. Not only that, being calm instantly puts the other person at ease.
Assertive communication helps you communicate with more calm.
Connection
Heart-centered communication cannot work effectively when there isn’t connection.
When you are assertive, spend some minutes connecting ahead, in between, and at the end of the conversation.
Some great ways to connect include building rapport, listening, acknowledging, validating, expressing your feelings and intention, and finding common ground.
Confrontation
Confrontation is bringing something up with someone to resolve a problem. It is not war or a battle. The avoidance of confrontation where it is needed cannot be heart-centered because it traps negative thoughts and emotions.
If you have a thought, concern, need, worry, feel resentful or frustrated, then confrontation may be needed to solve the issue. Allow the heart to guide you through the confrontation despite the fear.
Consideration
Consideration is about considering other people’s feelings, time, needs, and energy. It is not about avoiding of an issue to not hurt their feelings or to not bother them.
Consideration is being attentive, thoughtful, and intentional in how you communicate, no matter how negative your message is.
Caring
You can speak up, say no, confront, disagree, communicate difficult news, and ask for things in a caring way. Heart-centered assertive communication is also caring, but without holding back.
Clarity
Seeking clarity in between two people is important for heart-centered communication.
The opposite of clarity is ambiguity, doubt, guessing games, and usually unfair accusations, even if in one’s mind.
To achieve clarity, it’s important to overcommunicate, ask questions, to speak about your intention, and to express goals.
Get started with this free crash course on how to be assertive without being rude or these other resources here.
Visit our Assertive Way website here for more useful free resources."
In: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/10-secrets-heart-centered-assertive-communication-ivna-curi-mba/
